Reluctant Decision

I mentioned last time that I wanted to end my chemo process while I still had some sanity. I talked to Dr. Y (my oncologist), Dr. Ondrula (my surgeon), and Dr. Beusse (my personal doctor) about this, all of whom not surprisingly suggested that I continue until the end. Dr. Beusse perhaps had the best argument. He mentioned that the cancer that I once defeated ultimately came back so now I have a history of cancer returning, and within 2 years. If the 10th (or 11th or 12th) treatment happens to kill the last remaining cancer cell within me that would have otherwise been missed if I stopped earlier, wouldn't it have been worth it to continue this to the end? At least that was Dr. Beusse's argument that I found hard to reject.

Since that time I have had two more treatments so now I'm only down to three left. These are definitely wearing on me and taking me much longer to recover from (yes, I know a preposition is a bad word to end a sentence with). But I am strong enough to withstand these and know that once they are over (and they will be over now sooner than I think), that I should be able to show signs of recovery and hopefully be relatively "normal" (whatever that is anymore) perhaps by September. Too late for summer, but after what I've gone through, you don't argue with timing. It is what it is.

I have been doing some working from home on days when I don't feel too hot, and I appreciate that. I'm using up so much of my available vacation/personal time that any time that I can be away from work without claiming it is greatly appreciated. If all goes well, I think I should actually have some time off left by September, when I hope to be back to normal. And then in September I get 4 more weeks of vacation. Next year I would actually like to spend my vacation on vacation and not on what I have been spending it the past three years.

It reminds me of when I was at Ameritech and about to start my 15th year, when I would earn 4 weeks vacation. I was excited and we were planning family trips on how we would spend it. Then I got "downsized" and that was that - no vacation time, no trips. So now I'm actually earning 4 weeks vacation for the first time this year and I'm using most of it on chemo days off. I hope you can see why I'm looking forward to actually spending vacation time on vacations, or at least enjoyable personal time off.

HAIR UPDATE
I'm not sure how many out there are interested on my hair situation but here it is. My hair is definitely continuing to thin. I shouldn't become a cue ball by the end of my treatment, but there is a noticeable difference in the quantity of my hair. I had a haircut a while back to make everything short, as I was tired of running my fingers through my hair and having longer hairs on my hand. So all my hair is short now and as mentioned, its quantity is diminishing. Given its color and how short and thin it is, when I wear my glasses, I look like Stork from "Animal House" ("What are we supposed to do, you mo-ron"). I have been told and I am confident that my hair will outlast my chemo treatments. It may be a much closer finish than I originally imagined but hopefully my hair will win. And I hear it tends to grow back even better (and perhaps different) than before, so we'll see how that goes.