The Other Victim of Cancer

This is my 2nd atttempt at this topic. My first got lost in cyberspace (just the letter 'n' survived, in case you saw that and wondered, "What kind of post is that?"). As you all know, I am a victim of cancer. I have undergone 21 chemo treatments (with 6 to go), 25 radiation treatments, a life-changing surgery to remove a Stage 3C (not good) cancerous tumor, had a separate surgery to remove my second set of cancer cells, and continue to deal with the side effects of 4 cancer-killing chemicals injected into me every two weeks. I am an obvious victim of this insidious diseases.

But I'm not the only victim in this case. My wife Cyndy suffers in many ways besides the physical ones that I do. It is no doubt a helpless feeling to see a loved one suffering through chemo side effects and not being able to do anything about relieving those symptoms. And when I talk about the "other victim", I don't only mean Cyndy. I'm really talking about any loved one of any patient of cancer because they all deal with the same issues.

Cyndy has been wonderful throughout this whole situation, going back to my initial cancer. She has even told people that "we" have cancer, not just me, because in a way, she is going through this process, too. She sees me every single day. She sees my bad days as well as my not-as-bad days (I'm never "fine" any more - it's just a degree of how bad I feel today). She encourages me when I don't want to do what I know I need to do. She understands what I'm going through and supports me by telling me to take it easy or take a nap or sit down and rest or whatever. She doesn't even want to hear it when I tell her that I'm sorry I'm putting her through this or is she sure she's going to continue to be there for me through every single thing I have to go through (she really gets upset at the latter). I know better than to ask such a stupid question but sometimes there's an insecure part of me which says, "Will anybody be there for me when I need it?" She is always there to reassure me that she will - and to tell me to shut up and stop asking such stupid questions!

Yes, it's no fun having cancer. And it is no fun to be the loved one who must daily deal with a cancer patient. Cyndy is not special in the sense that she is certainly not the only one dealing with what she does, but she certainly is special to me for all the support she provides to me, given the difficult issues she must deal with in being the "caretaker" of a cancer patient. I'm sure it's not easy and I know she wishes she didn't have to do it, but she knows that's not the case, and therefore it has to be done and she willingly does it.

So to all the "other" victims of cancer out there, I just say that just like you might not quite know what your loved one is going through, I and they likewise don't know what you are going through by being the daily care provider for us. All I can say is keep doing what you're doing. It is necessary and appreciated more than you'll ever know. And God Bless You for doing it all as well. I'm sure there's a special place up there for all those "other" victims who sacrificed in so many ways on behalf of a loved one. I could never thank or repay Cyndy enough for all she has done for me. I just pray that soon this "victim" status for both of us will be over and "normalcy" (whatever that is anymore) returns to both our lives.