Putting Things in Perspective

When I was in my 20's and 30's, I used to at least subconsciously think that more people should be like me - "If more people were like me, the world would be a much better place." I would occasionally think that or at least have the attitude of it. I had a great childhood with two wonderful, loving parents, loved my junior high years (which makes me automatically unusual), "lived" the 60's without being consumed by them, went to and graduated from college where I was a leader (OK, so I lost my race my House President; I was still the best Social Chairman my house ever had, was the Head Deacon for the campus, and was sports editor of the Graceland Tower and wrote better articles than I had read my freshman year), married my beautiful, wonderful wife, had 3 beautiful, wonderful children (spaced nicely apart), was a leader in my church (including pastor for 2 years), had done well at work and gotten promoted for my efforts. So as I neared 40 I was happy with my life and again subconsiously thought that more people should be like me. Now as I approach 60, I wouldn't wish my life on anybody. No one should have to go through what I have gone through the past few years. Things have certainly not turned out like I thought they would in my late 30's, starting with losing my job at age 40. I shared a few of these thoughts with a co-worker the other day but he had a response for me. He basically said that despite my physical battles, I have a lot going for me. My wife and family, my great grandchildren (not my great-grandchildren - none of them yet), a good job, lots of friends at work, a good work reputation for working hard and long (if needed) and getting the job done, a known set of high values, earned respect from people. And even with my physical issues, I'm winning those battles. I had to stop and say, "You know, you're right. Sometimes it's easy to forget those things when other issues dominate." I even thanked him for reminding me of those things. It's like the line from "Mr. Mom" (you all quote from that movie all the time, right?): "It's real easy to forget what's important. So don't." Good advice. So as I approach my final 8 chemo cycles, I will try to keep in perspective the good things in my life, beginning with my family. I've joked for years with Cyndy that I'll keep her until I find someone better. And I've been trying hard for over 36 years now - it's just that I haven't found anyone better yet. But once I do... Of course, she counters with that fact that she's looking for a younger guy - who wants to be with a guy nearing 60? The truth is probably no one on earth wants either one of us but we do want and need each other and that's all that matters. As I've said countless times, I don't know how I'd get through this ordeal without her. And fortunately for me, she doesn't give me the opportunity to find out. Everyone has a cross to bear of some kind. Whatever yours is, I hope you can keep the good things in your life in perspective to help you make it through difficult days. And you can even make things better in your life though the choices you make. I remember back in the 70's when I taught at North Harrison High School in Eagleville, MO. It was a small school and we had delicious lunches prepared daily by these grandmother types. In a story that would have fit right in with our school, I heard about an old woman who lost her husband and had become very depressed and despondent. She probably thought of ending her life or at least wishing it would end soon. She would sit alone at home each day, willing the hours away. Then she became aware of an opening for a cook at the local school. Her family encouraged her to go for it. At first she didn't want to: "I'm old. Why would I want to be around kids all day?" But finally she relented, applied and got the job, as she was an excellent cook (aren't all grandmothers?). What she found is that she made friends of her co-workers and lo and behold, all those children, who adored her meals, provided a spark in her life. All of a sudden she found purpose in life as she could hear what's going on in the lives of those kids, share her own experiences when she was that age, and even offer some advice for the problems they were having. She looked forward to waking up in the morning and going in to work. I'm sure her last days went a lot more pleasureably. I suspect the "school cook" of the last portion of my life could very well become volunteer work for the American Cancer Society or some other cancer-related organization. And if that becomes my legacy and my stories encourage hopefully more than one person to get their colonoscopy and or to deal more strongly with a cancer they may already have, then I can be happy with my life. But even if that doesn't happen (though I certainly have encouraged numbers of people to get a colonoscopy), thanks in part to my co-worker, I know I have much to be thankful and happy for. I may not wish for you what I have gone through recently, but I do wish for you to reflect upon the happiness that you have had in your own life and hope you have more of the same. God Bless you all.