The Elephant in the Middle of the Room

I remember being a newlywed husband before we had any children. We had a number of couple friends who were parents of young or baby children and it seemed like whenever we got together with any of them, all they would talk about is their children. "Today little so-and-so rolled over for the first time." "He said his first word today - I think he said 'Da-da'". "Our little so-and-so is so smart. She's only 6 and already reading at a 4th grade level." Etc., etc., etc. You've no doubt heard many of these yourselves from others. Anyway I remember thinking, "Because this is so annoying to me, once I'm a parent, I won't dominate conversations with others with discussion of the lives and actions of my children." Then of course we had children and what happened? Our conversations with others became dominated with discussion of the lives and actions of my children. The best laid plans of mice and men. Along the same lines and around the same time, I remember that it seemed like whenever I talked with an "older" person (say 50+), they couldn't say anything without relating their most recent physical ailment situation. If you remember the scene in "16 Candles" when the Molly Ringwald character runs into her grandparents in her room and they begin simultaneously relating all of their current physical issues, then you can understand this. I would innocently ask an older person at church or somewhere, "So, how are you doing?" and boy, would I get an answer! After 5 minutes of hearing of their heart palpatations, their 16 medications they are currently on, joint pain when they walk, how Medicare doesn't cover certain things, etc., I would walk away from them thinking two things: (1) I wish them well with their ills and will pray for their recovery, and (2) when I'm that age and start having health issues, I certainly won't bore others with stories of my situation. Ah, the "wisdom" of youth. You think you know everything and you really know nothing because you're not old enough to have perspective on life. Whether lambasting new parents for sharing endless stories of their kids (and the same goes for childless couples with stories of their pets) or older people who delineate all of their physical ailments to you, the point that is missed here is that these issues have in essence become these peoples' lives. They are the "Elephant in the Middle of the Room" - that is, it is the inescapable topic that cannot be ignored. When you first become a parent, it seems like everything you do revolves (and rightly so) around your child. And as you age and start to physically break down, everything you do revolves around dealing with your ailments and trying to get as healthy as you can again - and rightly so to that as well. I hope that people who converse with new parents or ailing older people take that into consideration, at least certainly better than I did at a younger age. This past March 24 marked the 2 year anniversary of the diagnosis of my rectal cancer. To relate much of the last two years of my life without mentioning the effects of cancer upon me would be like Mrs. Lincoln telling friends about that night at Ford Theatre without mentioning what happened to her husband. I say this because much of what I write relates in some way to the cancer topic: what I'm going through, what it's like, how I'm dealing with it, how it affected what I'm otherwise doing, or encouraging others to get their colonoscopy. Now this blog, set up very thoughtfully by my daughter Marcia, is simply for the relating of my cancer experience. So anyone reading this should be expecting the type of content herein. But if you read anything I write on Facebook and think, "Is cancer all he ever writes about?", realize that no, I do actually write about other things once in awhile but yes, cancer is the elephant in the middle of the room that is my life and to ignore it is to ignore significant chunks of my life. So all I ask of you is that if it seems like I'm too pre-occupied on this topic, try to understand why. And also realize that this isn't some Real-Housewives-of-Orange-County vapid, pointless, and self-centered topic for discussion. Cancer is a serious disease suffered by millions of people that can affect or possibly has affected all of us in one way or another. All I can share is my story and my experience. I like to think that my co-workers are getting a daily case study on the effects of cancer. We may know someone with cancer, but unless we're with them every day, we really have no concept on what it's like. Well, my co-workers see me every work day. They know when I leave for a hook-up or a disconnect. They see my come in late on an "on week" Tuesday, dragging myself in, moving ever-so-slowly. They see me at my desk dealing with the occasional chest pain. They see me improving by the end of the week. They may not feel my pain but they see what I go through. I'm like a cancer experiment come to life for them. If for some of them, it gives a greater understanding and compassion for the disease, however small, then it has truly been a learning experience. I continue to appreciate all of the support I receive from people, from New York to Hawaii and many other countries, thanks to Cyndy's Facebook game connections. I will beat this - just be patient with me and my writings. Thanks to God and his healing grace which has helped me through this. You know what grace is, of course. Imagine a graph of all of the blessings that God has given you. That's a pretty high line. Then draw a line, much lower, on the blessings in your life that you deserve. The difference between that line and the top line? That's God's grace upon you, at least as I define it. Blessings to you all.