And Now...It's On With The Countdown

OK, I'm no Casey Kasem but as I begin my "off" week, I am in definite countdown mode. Here's where I stand:

• 2 - Number of cycles or "on" weeks left.
• 4 - Number of days of being connected to my "juice" and my pump. The juice in this case does not refer to oxaliplatin that I receive by IV for two hours every other week.
• 4 - Relatedly, this also refers to the number of showers I have to take still connected to my pump (which hangs outside the shower, by the way).
• 10 - The approximate number of days I must deal with most of my oxaliplatin side effects, not including the tingling due to cold which has never really gone away during this process because as it seems to start to minimize a bit, I undergo another IV and the whole cycle starts all over again.
• 24 - The number of real time days before I am completely done with my chemo treatment. Of course, there will be an indeterminant number of days afterwards when the chemo is still flowing through me and I am still feeling the drug side effects (especially the tingling), but I am hoping, praying, and expecting that in time, all of those side effects will go away and I can drink cold things again, grab a cold object in my bear hand without it hurting, not have chest pains any more when I move, and have things taste normal again.

About the tasting, my wife Cyndy asked me the other day when I say certain drinks taste bad, what do I mean. It's really hard to describe, but it's like the flavor of the drink has been removed and all I can taste is something that is not bitter, not sour, but just unpleasant tasting. This applies to milk, water, soda pop, Arizona green tea, or anything cold I drink. If it's lukewarm or room temperature, it's OK (and of course I hate – OK, greatly do not care for – lukewarm drinks). Even now at the end of my "on" week, colder drinks still taste a little unpleasant, though I can at least taste most of the flavor now.

Having been strengthened by some of my co-workers to hang in there for the remaining treatments, I have decided to stick it out and not ask Dr. Y if I could go with fewer than 6 treatments. But in our most recent appointment last Monday, I did ask him, "Why 6? Could 4 of 5 have done just as well?" He reexplained that he originally prescribed my post-operative chemo treatment to be two drugs (5FU and leucovorin) once a month for four weekly cycles, the same two drugs I had pre-op, because that's what convention says should be given in my specific case. And I think he still stands by that. However, Dr. Ondrula, not finding out until afterwards that I had not been given the oxaliplatin, convinced Dr. Y that I should be treated with it and thus, that is why I am now going through this. Dr. Y explained that the only scheduled treatment for oxaliplatin is 12 cycles, given intravenously every two weeks. But since I had already undergone some post-op treatment, Dr. Y decided I didn't need 12 cycles and arbitrarily reduced it to 6 cycles. He had never had to change a prescription like this before and so 6 cycles was his best guess as to what I needed.

Truth be told, even though I was not happy to be starting this latest treatment because I thought I was all done and given that if I had been given the oxaliplatin from the start in July, I would still be undergoing it as we speak, I am glad it turned out the way it did. For instance, I will end my treatment just a little after it would have been otherwise anyway, my first post-op treatment was every 4 weeks, instead of every two weeks like now (so I had more good non-side effect time), and I only have to deal with my oxaliplatin side effects, which are much more numerous and unpleasant than the other two drugs, for 6 cycles, not 12. I will make sure NOT to schedule any appointment with Dr. Ondrula for April 1 because I don't want to hear any more "Oh by the way, you need more chemo treatment" lines from him, jokingly or not.

I am reconciling myself to the fact that I could very well be somewhat sick for the rest of my treatment. I have had this nagging cough since Thanksgiving that just won't go away, no matter how much cough medicine I take. It's not constant, but it's occasional enough. And I continue to just not feel too hot on any day of my cycle, "on" week of "off". So instead of all the free hours I typically give my employer (not as many as Cyndy gives hers but that's a scab I'm not going to pick at here), I have been basically giving my 8 hours (other than when I have doctor's appointments) and then going home. I know my resistance is low due to the chemo, which destroys white blood cells, but Dr. Y says my white blood cell count is fine and acceptable now so there's really not much I can do about how I feel other than wait it out. So I am hoping that by the end of February, if not sooner, I'll be back to "normal" (or my new normal, anyway) without any coughing jags, until the next time I get sick at least.

So the countdown continues. If you're not counting down with me, I'll keep you abreast of where we stand in the future. You may not be counting, but believe me, I am.