This will be a busy doctor's visit week for me. In addition to the Monday IV and hookup and the Wednesday disconnect, I also have a blood test on Thursday with Dr. Beusse and a (hopefully) final visit to see Dr. Randazzo (aka "Razzle Dazzle"), my urologist, for a check-up. As I am now having no problems in that area any more, I'm not sure any future visits are warranted but we'll see.
I really am not looking forward to these last three cycles. With the 5FU and leucovorin that I had before, the worst side effect was some occasional chest pains. I also had some overall down feelings and the last of five consecutive weeks of this treatment back in May, I felt pretty awful, but I made it through that period OK (thank goodness for the Memorial Day weekend and three straight days off though). This time the oxaliplatin adds new side effects in addition to the chest pains. Here is a list of some of things I deal with (in decreasing order of annoyance):
- Chest pain primarily when I'm moving (for some strange reason, when I sit down and stay still for awhile, the pain goes away)
- Reduced resistance to viruses due to the chemo killing my while blood cells (leading to me being sick basically for the last six weeks with more to come. I basically have no voice at present. It doesn't hurt; there's just not much there.)
- Sensitivity to cold through my extremeties (hands and feet)
- Overly solid stools which leads to some issues with my bag (for the sake of decorum, I will leave things at that)
- Change in sense of taste, making cold drinks taste terrible. This is particularly annoying because milk tastes absolutely awful during this time and I love milk. I have to drink water with just the chill off of it (little or no ice, very annoying to me). Pop goes straight to a glass with no ice. This is really killing me.
- Hiccups
- Note: All of these symptoms are cumulative so they get worse (or certainly no better) with each cycle. For instance, with cycle 3, my chest pains started on Tuesday, compared to Wednesday with the first two.
Fortunately, the symptoms do only last 3-5 days, as I was originally told, though I am noticing that the tingling sensation when I touch something cold with my bare hands remains beyond that time. They say in some cases that feeling becomes permanent, but in most cases it ends after the treatment ends. I certainly hope that's the case with me. The fact that I have had no numbness in my hands or feet when exposed to the cold I hope is a good sign.
It was very fortunate to be off work during my last on-cycle week. But for the next three I won't be. I was mentioning to some people at work that I was thinking of talking to Dr. Y to see if three more cycles were really needed. Could I get away with just one or two? Upon hearing that, my boss said "Hang in there. You've done so well for all this time that you can make it through a few more weeks." Another co-worker said, "What if somewhere down the line, if you only have 4 cycles, something comes up that a 5th or 6th cycle would have caught or prevented? Wouldn't the extra two have been worth it then?" Good points. As a result I have gathered the courage to keep this up for three more cycles. I will talk to Dr. Y about the cycles in our next visit though just for my edification. I will also bring up a point that more than one person has brought up recently. Given that chemo destroys my white blood cells, should I be receiving something which would help to replace them faster? A shot or a pill or something. Or are the side effects of that worse than just losing my resistance for a few weeks?
Needless to say I am really counting these cycles and days. The week of Feb. 8 is my last one. Then I'll get unhooked on the 10th and after that it's just letting the chemo wear itself out of my system and have all of the side effects slither off into oblivion. I thank my family for their support, especially during my "on" weeks. During that time I just want to get home, get comfortable, and sit or lay down. I keep promising Cyndy that once Spring comes I hopefully will be in a much more constructive mood and condition and I'll be more useful around the house.
By the time of my last cycle, it will nearly have been 11 months since this whole ordeal started. Nearly every day I tell myself how extremely lucky I am. Would I wish what I have gone through on anybody? Of course not. But when I think of what I imagined would be happening to me back in March when I first got the news or in June as I prepared for surgery and I think of where I am today and where I hope to be in a month or so, I realize how very fortunate and blessed I have been. I haven't suffered like so many other cancer patients have. Hey, I'm alive and too many cancer patients don't make it a year after their diagnosis. The man who sold us our time share in Florida in September, 2008 contracted and died of colon cancer before we next returned last June. Unfortunately for him, he apparently did not have as good a surgeon as I did, another blessing I have had throughout this. All my doctors say I should now still be able to look forward to a (hopefully) long rest of my life and more importantly, one of quality as well as quantity. I have told some of my co-workers that they should consider working with me the last year as a learning experience. My guess is that they have never before seen the day-to-day trials and tribulations of a cancer patient. They've seen my lows. They've seen all of my doctor's appointments. They've seen the pump bag around my waist. They've heard my stories and listened to my speechs on getting colonoscopies. If any of them are inspired in any way to get involved in the cancer fight, then I'm glad to have played a part.
So I am just trying to get through these weeks, especially the "on" ones, one at a time. I just hope and pray that before I know it, Feb. 10 will be here and I will FINALLY get to say (after having already done so once), no more treatments - only tests and follow-up doctor's visits. And the next time I see Dr. Ondrula, I am going to make him promise no more surprises of additional chemo treatment. Not that I couldn't take it if I had to, but hopefully I won't ever need to again.
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